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Quest for Peace: My Memories and Reflections in Hiroshima by Erica Shinya
The following is an excerpt from Erica's presentation at Peace Connections on January 30, 2007.

Frightened and Scared
Soon after we entered primary school, we began to learn about the fact that atomic bomb had fallen on Hiroshima City. On the 6th of August, every year, we spared a lot of time for learning about the suffering from the atomic bomb. We watched movies about the suffering from the atomic bomb or other cities’ suffering from WWⅡ. These are the pictures, from my memory when I was a little girl: The clouds which were made by the atomic bomb, the clock which stopped the exact at the time the bomb exploded, people who were in the fire...

Trying to Grasp the History of WWⅡ, on a Wider Scale
In junior high school, I learned about the damage of the atomic bomb in some objective data:
The atomic bomb detonated 580 meters in the air. At the moment of detonation, powerful radiation and a fierce heat ray were emitted. As the rising temperature expanded the surrounding air, it generated a tremendous blast. The complex interaction of these factors amplified the damage. The three energies─heat ray, blast, and radiation─caused instantaneous mass destruction and indiscriminate mass slaughter. It is estimated that 140,000 had died by the end of December 1945.

It was very important for me to know about not only the damage of the atomic bomb, but also the background of the WWⅡ at broader scale. At the high school, the teachers put the emphasis on the fact; Japanese were not only the victims but also assailants. Some teachers criticized the fact that people often talked only about the damage of the atomic bomb, but rarely mentioned what we did to other countries. Also, we must remember that we attacked Pearl Harbor.

The important lesson was to try to grasp the situation structurally as much as possible. Doing this, we can be free from grudges. It is difficult or even impossible for people those who have directly suffered from the bomb, to be free from anger, sadness, grudges, because the damage was so serious.
The poem by Sankichi Toge has had a very strong impact on me, not only for his anger with the war, but also for how he strove for peace.
  “Give back my father, give back my mother;
　Give grandpa back, grandma back;
　Give me my sons and daughters back.
　Give me back myself.
　Give back the human race.
　As long as this life lasts, this life,
　Give back peace
　That will never end.”

Knowing the “Divide” between Me and Our Ancestors
There are not many people who try to talk about their experiences of the atomic bomb. When I sat on a bench at the Red Cross Hospital in Hiroshima, an old lady began to talk about herself. “Even today I must come here because of the atomic bomb. I lost my husband and family from the bomb. I am alone and I am suffering from the after effect of the bomb.” She added, “ Maybe you will never understand my suffering, I guess.” I felt powerlessness because there seemed to be nothing for me to do for the people who were suffering from the bomb. Their pain, sadness and anger are not only for the atomic bomb, but also for the war itself, and the division between them and our generation.

Knowing My Responsibility for Our Future: Searching for Strategies of Peace and Having Hope
As a descendant of those who suffered from the atomic, I have responsibility to try to release their pain, sadness and anger by promoting world peace. And as an ancestor of our future's children, we must make the peace, because they did not come to this world for having wars with others.

While in Kyoto for study, I attended a peace-making group. We organized demonstrations for protesting wars, especially after September 11, because the Japanese government supported the U.S. army attacking Afghanistan and Iraq. But at that time, I felt uneasy because protesting was not enough. For me, protesting something seemed to be aggressive, even though our protests were focus on making peace and hope. One day we were talking about the policy for garbage or recycling, one lady said, “We often try to find the problem in our policy, but we can do many things by ourselves even though we lack good policies.” Again, I tried to grasp the system, which causes the wars or violence. Or, in more productive way, what will make peace in the world and me?

For me, being peaceful is similar concept to being calm and quiet. And they come to me by fulfillment in the moment. And I am fulfilled when I can feel connection with others, with people and nature. If I can’t feel any connection with others, I feel empty. I unconsciously try to fulfill the emptiness by getting many things or by controlling others. Controlling others leads to violence.

So I try to find connections with people who have suffered from the atomic bomb when I am sad and I lost many things at one time. I never experienced war, so all I can do is just try to understand the pain. Also, I try to remember those who suffered from natural disasters when I lost my important relationships. When I feel hungry, and I can’t get any food in some circumstances, I try to remember the people who have suffered from starvation. I try to remember the connections with nature when I breathe, drink and eat. I find the relationship within me: my existence, my body, mind and spirit when I practice deep breathing. I am I, but not only mine. My existence represents relationships with all others. I can’t live without relationships with others. However, no one can have the same experiences as others, we are all connected. One thing relates to other things. So doing some small things for peace relates to making peace in the world. If I can be peaceful, it relates to world peace. Maybe each of us can’t do many things, but each of us can do something for bringing peace. Gathering small efforts will create the large energy needed for peace.

Also, I must find in myself the people and the society that try to have wars with others.
My spiritual teacher said, “We can say, ‘I am in the world’, but not so many people can say, ‘the world is in me’.” So when I live in the world, which has much anger, fear and violence, I must see these within myself. When I meet someone who has pain and anger, I must see these are within me. Reflection is so important for making peace, with the thought, “we are all connected.” These reflections help me to connect with others. So I want to keep trying to find the connections between others and myself in each incident and moment.

Being born and growing up in Hiroshima is a gift for me. It forced me to think about peace. But I was always wondering, “Without knowing about the suffering, can we make peace?” or “Is it impossible for us to pray for peace without knowing the suffering?” The question means, “Can we pray for peace in peaceful world which has no wars or violence?” These questions came to me, because peace making movements or educations for peace always connect with or against wars.
I asked this question to my friend and she taught me, “one Buddhist monk said that we can make peace without knowing violence or wars, we can pray for peace just for itself not against the war.”
I hope that the day will come when we can pray for peace just for itself. So I will try to find the way for peace in different ways, even if it is in small approaches.